Usually I am the type of person who ruthlessly expresses what's on my mind. I'm not afraid to stand out or stand up for who I am and what I believe in. This character trait is of course a a lot easier to get away with in the "land of the free" where nearly every person feels entitled to the public expression of his or her own opinion. I went on vacation this summer to a country I had never been to before. My boyfriend and I were invited to a wedding, and we were planning on staying there a whole month. The idea of traveling out of the country with someone who wasn't family evoked such elation in me that I completely forgot to consider the reality I was about to face.
Since I was born and raised in four different countries I consider myself pretty well traveled. I'm used to adapting to different customs, sticking out, and not speaking the language. Not once have I ever felt out of place because I don't really feel like I come from any one place. In a way, I can say my voice and character is an accumulation of all the cultures and people I've grown up around, but that doesn't necessarily mean that myself as an individual is as easily accepted as I am of other cultures. Let me try and make sense of this using Croatia as an example. We didn't have a traditional touristy experience. Alex and I stayed at a friend of his cousins' house, and their family was warm and welcoming. There was a bit of a language barrier seeing as only one of their daughters spoke English (not fluently). Luckily the universal language of hand gestures, food and music played out their usual role, but this was only the case at home.
Whenever we left the house, I made sure not to dress in anything too revealing seeing as it was a predominantly Catholic country. Yes, there were many girls walking around in booty shorts and strappy tops but unless we were walking back from the beach I tended to dress mildly conservative. Some people whispered, some people cat-called, but mostly people stared. We could be at the beach or in a restaurant it didn't matter, wherever we were people would look. At first I figured it was just because we weren't locals, but it turned out being much deeper than that.
Vir is a small island far from the capital and an hour away from the mainland. The family we stayed with have lived on the island for generations, and only their grandfather had traveled outside of the country (back in the 30's when he was in the navy). They welcomed me as if I were family, and they considered my boyfriend family too even though he had only visited twice. I wish I could say the other locals were as welcoming as they were. It was strange not really being able to communicate with too many people, and the only voice I had was with the other visiting people and Antonia (the daughter). People looked offended by the color of my skin, that or just grossly aroused. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin-- a feeling I have never really felt before. What made it worse was not really being able to express this feeling unless it was to my boyfriend and his friends.
Part of me sympathizes with these people. Maybe they had never seen an interracial couple before, or maybe they had never seen a Bolivian. Elderly people looked very stunned and offended by seeing an interracial couple, and the younger people either didn't care or stared me down. All of my experience, all of my character was nearly depleted and useless there. For someone like me, this felt very belittling.